A blog by Frits Koster
‘Solitude vivifies, isolation kills‘
– Joseph Roux (1834-1905), priest, writer and poet
I recently read “The Lonely Century” (Spectre, 2020) by Noreena Hertz after seeing an interview with her on the Dutch television. In this book, the British economist, professor, activist and author describes the global and also worryingly common sense of loneliness, which seems only to be intensified by social media, Corona, the climate crisis and nasty wars.
The theme touched me extra because I myself struggled a lot with feelings of loneliness as an adolescent and could not initially deal with this in a healthy way. But also because inwardly I immediately made a link to forgiveness issues. In which you may not be able to say – as a ‘chicken and the egg’ discussion – that loneliness causes feelings of resentment and hardness or that resentment causes feelings of loneliness. But what we do know is that both types of problems involve inner isolation, toward ourselves and/or toward others. And that in any case, therefore, there seems to be a coherence and a mutually reinforcing effect, in which we become more and more trapped in an inner prison.
In the final chapters of her book, the author talks about the “loneliness economy. In doing so, she offers suggestions on how we might get out of the pincers of problematic loneliness and restore human connection in a world that is falling apart.
In Mindfulness-Based Training in Forgiveness (MBTF), we place more emphasis on inner toughness, which can arise in all of us – in relation to ourselves and/or in relation to others. One of the “symptoms” is isolating ourselves (unconsciously), from feelings of guilt or shame. Moreover, there appears to be something at play that the American author and speaker Stephen Covey put very nicely as, “We often see the world not as it is, but as we are. Inwardly, as human beings, we very easily cling to and believe in beliefs such as “It was my fault,” “I failed completely ,” “I can never make up for it,” “I don’t deserve to live,” and so on. This brings with it a lot of suffering, and that does not make anyone happier.
All religions and wisdom traditions recognize the value of forgiveness. Moreover, contemporary scientific research confirms that forgiveness is a golden path to health and well-being. In that sense, we are very happy that the MBTF is also scientifically screened. However, the process of forgiveness does not always prove easy. For me, the practice of gentleness and mindfulness in this were the beginning of a transformation, because it allowed me to gradually reconnect more with what I am experiencing in the moment as a human being.
As an additional support, Joyce Cordus and I developed the MBTF. You don’t necessarily have to experience very severe problems to participate. The course also focuses on dealing (differently) with the ordinary inconveniences in a complex world, which easily leads to alienation and hardening. See the calendar on our website for various opportunities live or online to learn about the MBTF, welcome.
– Frits Koster, February 2024
